Canadian Politics Make Me Yawn

There is nothing quite like elections in Canada.

On the 7^th of September 2008, our beloved Prime Minister , Stephen Harper, has decided to dissolve the government, or dissolve the Parliament. Whatever they call it, man! I know they dissolved something! Anyway, and he set the date for October 14, 2008. Very systematic. Our elections had to be before the American one, or else these loyal beavers would be influenced to vote Liberal if Obama were to win (and he did).

Speaking of the US elections, the Republicans and Democrats have been campaigning, for nearly 2 years!!(if not more) leading to November 4^th. To the point where Osama and McPain have become household names. To the point where poor people in the ghettos, people living under bridges, 106 year old grannies were so active and aware of the US Elections. Dare I add the numerous dogs that sported American flags and other political attire? Nah, I won’t.

Whereas the little guys to the North, have been campaigning for a grand total of 28-30 ENTIRE days. Can you believe that?

(Sidenote: The longest campaign was 74 days and that was back in 1926. )

Anyhow, I’ve literally come across several (more like scores and scores) of Canadians who were so clueless. On October 14 (The Big Election Night) people were more concerned about the Calgary vs. Colorado hockey game and the four other NHL games that were on that night. I seriously think that Canadian politics is messed up. Not only is it messed up, it’s also screwed up and twisted. Don’t get me wrong, I find it rather comical. It’s somewhat of a bedroom farce really.

A little brief synopsis of the federal political parties we have here:

The ones that are actually in Parliament Hill who bicker back and forth:

1. The Liberal Party of Canada ( these guys are centrists)

2. The Conservative Party of Canada ( the right-ists, offspring of Fox News)

3. New Democratic Party ( the leftists!) By the way, the leader of this party has been promising for the past couple of years that if he gets elected, he will shave OFF his mustache! Cute eh?

4. Bloc Québécois ( the separatists….Frenchies) The group that wants to ban the English language from Quebec. If they get their way and if they separate, they will hold hands with New York. LOL. How ironic is that? But if you think of it…in between Canada#1 and Canada#2 there will lie un petit Paris mini crazy France….amusing.

5. The Green Party (the tree huggers!…they got zero seats in Parliament this time so…umm..yeah)

On your actual electoral thingy, other parties you can vote for which are recognized by Elections Canada:

Communist Party of Canada (Marxist-Leninist) (founded in 1970)

First Peoples National Party of Canada (founded in 2005) - Aboriginal rights advocacy

Marijuana Party of Canada (founded in 2000) - pro-marijuana legalization LOOOL

Work Less Party (founded in 2007) - Labour rights

Christian Heritage Party of Canada (founded in 1987) - Social conservative

Animal Alliance Environment Voters Party of Canada (founded in 2005) -

Neorhino.ca (founded in 2007) - Joke party. WTF??!!!!

Unregistered Active Parties That Could Potentially be Registered:

Absolutely Absurd Party

FemINist INitiative of Canada (founded 2005)

Parti citron (Lemon Party) Good Heavens!! Do they advocate free lemonade for all???!

Sex Party (founded 2005)

National Alliance for a Higher Minimum Wage (I would totally vote for them!)

You know I’m just going to end the list here (oh yes there are more!). I’m embarrassed for these imbeciles!

However, the neat thing about this supposed “democratic” way of life is that I can create my own party “The Complicated Lexicality Party of Canada”, gather a few supporters, go to Elections Canada, make my case and voila! Before you know it I can be registered and I can campaign and like omg, I can….Oh how exciting is this?!

I have a vision, my friends, that I, Lexicala Complicata, could indeed be the Prime Minister of Canada. Ok, maybe that’s too much, I’ll start slow with mayor of my city and then I can become a Member of the Legislative Assembly and then Member of Parliament and before you know it “TCLPC” will be known all over the world. Yeah right! Oh, well it doesn’t hurt to dream.

Anyway, to make a long story short, the Conservatives won, another MINORITY government, meaning they have less than 50% of the seats. Thus, the ruling government must work with the opposition parties to ensure a functioning government. The whole point of the elections was to win majority….A billion dollars went down the drain. That’s politics for you. A successful politician is he who promises more and more crap, spends billions of dollars on those non-existent promises, and delivers absolutely nothing.

But hey! "As long as people are willing to accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it." (Not my quote, I read it from somewhere and it also serves as my facebook status)